Miscellaneous

I'm diggin' the iGoogle webpage and just hanging out at work rockin' to new Christian Kane, "House Rules". That song is just infectious. I rarely get it out of my head and it just makes me smile. Of course, the irony, is that it's about going to a bar . . . and anyone who knows me knows that that is not my scene. But it's a fun song. It's country rock, but I recommend it :-)

A Nice Weekend

So, this past weekend was Jason's birthday . . . he's 32! Can you believe it?! He was asked how old he was and I had to answer for him, isn't that funny. But it's been that way for a while. Anyhow, our friend, Adam, was kind enough to invite us to an all expenses paid stay in San Francisco. We hadn't gone out, especially without Xander, in so long that he figured we needed a little getaway. One thing that I wasn't anticipating was all of the walking. We had talked about taking the muni system, so that's what I thought that we were going to do. Granted, walking is good during pregnancy and Lord knows I need the exercise, but this was a little more strenuous than I think I should've done. You're not suppose to strain yourself and elevate your heart rate too much, but that definitely happened. Everything from my waist down was in pain: my stomach was cramping, my shins felt like they had growing pains, and I even felt like a speculum was stretching out my cervix and the baby was going to just fall out on his own. I really tried not to complain, but it was the most pain I had been in in a long time. I had some great chow fun and pizza late at night. There was also a great party for two in our hotel room, if you know what I mean. It was awesome and unforgettable, so if Jason reads this, thanks again. He ended up taking the following Monday off too for a three day weekend which was really nice. We were going to take Xander to the zoo, but it started sprinkling. It cleared up really nice by the time we were going to go, but Jason said it'd be cheaper to go to pet shops. Boy, was he wrong! We came home with two new members of the family, two rats, one blue (Remy, like in Ratatouille) and one dumbo (Mo, like the little robot in Wall-E). We wanted names that were easy for Xander to learn and say. They are both sweet and pretty quiet. Mo has a little more personality, but Remy is a cuddler. Xander loves them and Nissa is dying to play with them, but she'll probably just end up eating them or something. The nice thing about Monday was that it was a forecast of how things will hopefully be when Jason is done with school. We'll have time to spend as a family and play with Xander and the rest of the family.
I guess my concern coming up is my 28th birthday. Usually Jason gets the cool stuff and I end up with the short end of the stick. So, I guess we'll see. In fact, come to think of it, I think more thought gets put into his birthday than anyone else including his parents'. The crappy part is that with the hormones I'll probably blow it out of proportion too. The other issue is that we never have spare money when my day comes too. One good thing about this year is that my birthday is on a weekend, so Jason shouldn't have to work, but he'll be coming to the end of school and probably have finals to work on. I don't know, someday I know things will be different.
Well, until we meet again . . .

No subject . . .

I guess that technically there is a subject to this rambling, I don't k now. It's strange . . . this happens to me at least once a year maybe every two. It's probably amplified with the pregnancy hormones, but I live in a house full of people and have never felt so alone. Well, my son, Xander doesn't count because there are a lot of times when he doesn't want to be alone either. There are tons of times when he'd prefer the dog's company over mine, but then there are also numerous times when I'm the only other person in the world he cares about. My son is only two and the way that he smiles at me. Sometimes I think that he's asking me if I'm alright. He snuggles and holds me when it's time to go to bed and kind of pets my hair and stuff. It's so sweet. I feel guilty a lot because I know that I don't do as much with him as I should or give him the kind of attention that he deserves. There are also times when it feels like it's just me and him. Jason works and goes to school which takes up a lot of his time . . . and the rest of his time is usually spent researching or playing video games. I know that he wants me to play with him, but I am not really interested in them . . . and I think that part of it is because he is so intereseted in them that they are all time consuming. Besides, who else is going to watch after Xander while we play. It seems that he needs something every 5 minutes, especially when we're preoccupied playing or watching a movie or something like that. I'm not the perfect wife or mother . . . I know that I can do better. I guess at times it feels like, "why should I, if you are not?" And Jason has said as much to me at one point or another in our life together. So, I figure that he'd understand. But, then there's a good chance that he's feeling the same way towards me. We enjoy playing video games together, but I found out that he doesn't really actually like the ones that I do and for some reason (probably hormones) that kind of hurt. He always acted like he really enjoyed them. I'm couped up in the house pretty much all day and pretty much by myself that I'd like to do something. The largest problem is that when it comes time for my suggestions I am either out of them or don't want to suggest doing something that I don't think that he'll enjoy because he has such a small amount of free time that I don't want it to be "wasted". Now there's another baby on the way and my time won't really be my own for a while, not that I'm complaining or anything, we wanted a second bay (I think me more than anyone, unless you include the inlaws). I don't know . . . I guess I've rambled on enough. Until next time . . .

Update . . .

So it seems that I do in fact have to give most of the money back to the lender . . . which I think is stupid, but God's grace smiles upon us because once again Jason's parents stepped in and are saving the day! They paid for Xander to be born when refinancing the house a few years back and now they have to sacrifice and cash in their stocks to pay the midwives so that I can have the baby at home and under water like I did with Xander. I tell you what, these parents should win a medal or an award for the sacrifice and assistance that they provide. They always say things will be fine and they provide for us in so many ways and for so long now. They never complain or ask for repayment . . . they are the only models of Christ directly in our lives that we have. Jason's father, John, went and got another job (even though he just retired last fall) so that I wouldn't have to go back to work and could stay home with Xander and take it easy during this pregnancy. There are times when I think it'd be easier for everyone if I went back to work, but God has again shown me that it is not in my cards. Everytime I apply for work I get interviews, but don't get the job or the job gets pulled off of the table. I even applied at In 'n' Out Burger and didn't get the job!

I had a 2D ultrasound/sonogram today and found out that contrary to popular belief (including my own) we are having another boy :) Though my heart was set on a girl this may mean that we get to try again in the future . . . which I hate to say was my ideal all along anyway (to have 3 kids). However, we'll see how we can handle 2 first. Also, if we do have another and again has the male plumbing I will assume that I am a boy making factory and am not meant to have a daughter. This is all for the future and none of us can really know for sure what the plan is. So, now Jason and I have to agree on a boy name since I already had the girl's name already picked out. I don't know for sure why I am writing this since nobody reads my blog except Jason right now. Oh well, gotta go. Talk to you again soon.

This sucks!

This sucks! I have been waiting for over a month now to receive my accounting degree and refund for the excess on my account via the University of Phoenix and was told last week that the check was cut on Thursday! I was ecstatic beyone belief . . . we're talkin' a $2000 refund here because I finished school early by two months. Well, now I've received a letter in the mail stating that almost $1600 of it is getting sent back to my lender! I was not told about this by my counselor and don't understand why it is the school's decision regarding what happens to the money. It is a student loan . . . that I am paying back, so why can't I just have the money. I needed it to help pay for the birth of my second child and it was going to pay for more than half of it. But now, I will only be able to pay a third of it and have no other means to pay the midwives. I am so stressed and upset that I feel like I could seriuosly just burst into tears. Though I am pregnant and a little overemotional as it is . . . this kind of stuff doesn't normally bring me to this point. I have been asking for over a month what will happen with that excess and was told that it was coming back to me. Now it is not, for some reason, and I am peeved beyond belief! I also want to point out that the University of Phoenix has handled my financial account very poorly from the beginning. I feel sorry for my finanical aid counselor because he doesn't make the decisions or actually handle any of the transactions regarding my account and yet he's the only one that I can complain to. He has been extremely patient with me when I "fly off the handle" at him, but if he knew he should have said something. I postponed the beginning of this program by about a week and it took them about two to three months to sort out my pell grants and loans payments, so on the record I had owed the school thousands of dollars to begin with. Then midway through the rates changed and I was supposed to reapply for a new amount through the grants and lenders and when it finally happened I was denied. So I was left not knowing if school was going to be covered or not. On top of that the whole reason that I even went back to school was because my mother said she would pay for it . . . and is actually hoping that I get a job and pay for it myself. I have bills to pay (which we can barely pay), a baby to pay for, and right when the baby is born student loans to pay back. Plus, Jason has student loans too. I haven't been able to get a job in two years and have to keep relying on Jason's parents for stuff. We haven't had our own bedroom for about a year and I just don't need this right now! I have to go cause I'm about to lose it . . .

Why is each pregnancy so different?

Granted this is only the second time that I've been pregnant, but it is vastly different than the first time around. With Xander I had pretty much no symptoms of pregnancy until towards the end. In fact, I didn't even know that I was pregnant until the second trimester had already begun. This time I knew within at least a month. My appetite had changed, I had morning sickness and fatigue (still have fatigue), and my hormones are going crazy. I get frustrated easily with everything and nearly everyone and get emotional at a tv commercial! I crave bad food and just want to do nothing all day long. What is up with that?!